抱歉,我只能做个观察者

和朋友聊天,或是谈笑,或看看他们的近况。
每个人都有着自己的烦恼、悲伤、软弱。
当我遭遇它们的时候,我希望有人能听我诉说,为我排解,甚至能发现那些我没有说出来却时时逼迫着我的情绪。
我也能够做一个好的倾听者,有时也能够帮助他们排解心情。
但只能做到有时。
并不是我不想做,只是我无法做到感同身受,为他们做出更深层的思考。
因为我只是个浅薄的人。
那些我放在心里没有说出来的话,虽然想要什么人猜到,却绝对不想对别人讲。因为那些是不能讲的话,我不想看到自己丑恶的地方,自然也更不想别人看到。
所以,我只能做到好好地倾听,再给出回应,或没有办法给出回应。
因为,我只是个旁观者。
抱歉。

Posted in 综合医院 | Leave a comment

理智的情玉枕纱厨色,自由的追求者

The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover
导演: 彼得 格里纳韦 (Peter Greenaway)
编剧: 彼得 格里纳韦 (Peter Greenaway)
主演: Helen Mirren Tim Roth
上映年度: 1989
影名: The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover
简体中文名: 厨师、大盗、他的太太和她的情人
制片国家/地区:莫道不消魂国 荷兰 英国
又名: 情欲色香味
s1317950

    不知道演员,不曾听说过片名,不曾注意过的导演。
  我其实是个电影白痴。
  但是我可以说:看这部片子的人,绝对不会后悔。
  戏剧外行,音乐外行,评论外行。但是,现在我还是要推荐这个电影,给我没有看过这个片子的朋友。
  如果你是美食爱好者、情玉枕纱厨色片爱好者、外加舞台剧的爱好者,那就再好不过了。低音的配乐,红、黑、绿为主的色调,人们的言语、肢体、和眼神,都充满张力。
  餐厅里的一切,都笼罩在红与黑的色彩里,灯光灰暗,所有的人都低声细语,相形于艾伯特总是放肆于形的言谈举止。他是一个盗贼,一个性无能,一个虐佳节又重阳待狂。乐于表现自己的强大,假装自己是一个懂得餐桌礼仪的美食家,言语却又粗俗不堪。其实内心虚弱,只能利用外显行为来虚张声势,不停地与人谈论与性有关的话题,言语粗鲁,好让他人认为自己是“正常”的。这一行为让我想到某本书上的一句话,那些满嘴谈性的男人,往往是些欲求不满的处男。
  艾伯特是餐厅的投资人,作为一位“美食家”,他的一大爱好便是在餐厅里四处走动,向任何可能的客人施加威胁,挑衅他们,侮辱他们,以确认自己的权威性没有人敢于挑战。在发现乔治外遇后更是变本加厉在餐厅制造混乱,大发雷霆,毁了整个厨房。以愤怒作为自己权威的表现方式。
  这一四处走动的行为和餐厅的主厨理查德先生很像,但他却是做为一个观察者的身份存在于餐厅里,他看着艾伯特在餐厅里发表他的权威,看着乔治娜和迈克的“偷玉枕纱厨情生涯”。同时理查德更具有保护者的身份,他保护了乔治和她的情人。 
                Kokken_tyven_hans_kone_og_hennes_elsker_2
   那个绝望的女人对他说“请帮帮我……求你了……他或许会很好吃……哈哈,他的睾丸……我知道你们可怜我,每个人都可怜我……告诉我你看到了什么……如果没有别人看到的话我怎么能知道那(爱情)是真的……你想跟我 ** 吗?你可以像他做的那样跟我做佳节又重阳爱……怎样才能说服你?”只为了请求他为她烹饪自己的情人。她在他面前歇斯底里地哭泣,声嘶力竭,却再也抓不到曾经最渴望的幸福。
  他说“死亡和出生,终结和开端……你认为黑色的东西是最贵的这不正常吗?我们也会控诉空虚,规定的食物会增加30%的额外费,50%的 ** 。据我所看到的,你的情人不需要 ** ”
  “人们喜欢想起他们的死亡。吃黑色的食物就像在消耗死亡一样,他们说,嘿,死亡,我在吃你。” 
                thecookthethiefhiswifeandherlover
  所以,乔治做了。艾伯特大发雷霆的时候说他要吃了迈克,所以,乔治最后把艾伯特的尸体做成了一道法莫道不消魂国大餐。这个坚强并不懈追求自由的女人,这个出逃四次都被艾伯特抓回来虐佳节又重阳待的女人,这个死掉了情人的女人,这个理智得过分的女人,在他的情人死了之后,只在理查德面前彻底痛哭过一次。请理查德把她的情人做成一道法莫道不消魂国大餐,供他品尝。“你说过你要吃了他,所以我把他做成了一道菜,所以你一定要吃了他”,这个女人举着枪面对着她的敌人,冷声说要他吃了那道法莫道不消魂国菜,然后杀了他,低骂一声“杀人魔”。
  然后,剧终。

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干物继续中——冬日温暖方式

     s2597588
    作为一个标准颜控,到现在才看这个片子说起来很不符合我的行为准则。想当初黄小胖童鞋给我推荐的时候还是夏末秋初的时节,现在却已是过了立冬时间了,更何况我还曾经自称是藤木直人的死忠(虽然只是曾经自称)。
  我穿着睡衣,套着运动服,蹲在椅子上,手边放着一袋桃李迷你可颂,用了一下午的时间一口气看完这个片子。
  无比顺畅,没有一般感情剧会给我的沉闷感,剧情紧凑,细节温润细腻,时常会有让人喷饭的场景出现。 
              b35528da534013d1b7fd4843
  虽然以前就有看过藤木直人的喜剧,一直走好男人路线的他也没有改变过,但这一次却很深刻的觉得他果然是一个非常漂亮又非常有内涵的大花瓶,哈哈。昨天还和黄小胖对着他穿睡衣的身材感叹啊,那身段,那锁骨,风情无限。
  而咱们都是有腰上攒了赘肉的人,身体脂肪率绝对不低于24%,每天用手支着脑袋都会觉得头大过累,能坐着绝不站着,能躺着绝不坐着,能睡着绝不清醒的人。努力生活的外在,然后是干物的生活。想要改变的目前无法改变,不想要改变的连时间的变化都没办法发现。
  啊,跑题了,还好走的不远,我果然是没有写评论的天分,老跑题。
  现在说起来,在入冬的湿冷天气里最适合看的就是演绎了夏季热情的东西,可以让人记住这个夏天经历了多少温暖快乐,并暂时抵挡一下即将来临的冬季严寒,坚强一下怕冷的皮肤。
  夏天最好的代表,果然还是萤火虫啊。
    一般的爱情故事不演到两个人都年华老去,迟暮执手,我的联想是不会罢休的——所谓王子和公主类的爱情故事,之所以讲到结婚就停止了,正是因为他们最美好的东西都只存在于结合前。后来的故事,都不美丽。
    但这个两个人,应该是没问题的吧,绝对会很好吧。因为彼此是以绝对不会有关系的身份开始相处的,最坏的部分都被对方看到过了,也最了解彼此最需要部分,这样的两个人,绝对,可以平和地走下去。那个“就坐在我身边”的求婚也是,充分表达出了一个隐忍的人最真心的承诺。真的是,非常的可爱啊。
  然而自己干物的状态延续下去,也不会想有什么再多的改变。
  果然一路跑题到了最后连自己都不知道在写什么了。好了,算了,不想了。
    只是补充一下,綾瀬はるか果然还是很努力地牺牲形象地来演了这个片子啊,值得表扬,我不能理解的是为什么今年夏天获得最佳演员(这个类型的)奖的演员不是她而是束胸出演《偷偷爱着你》崛北真希,不解啊不解。

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有暗香盈袖动之后是寂静

方回来,才发现在我迷迷糊糊度过一周之内错过了多少摆在眼前的消息.
绝望今日飞去汉城了,然后休整一天,再转机去美国.是早上十点半的飞机.
那个时候,我在干什么呢?正下了课,与一班同学站在2教,3教之间的某处,商讨商业计划书的内容该如何进行.期间上方天空也有飞机经过,却是这边的双流机场了.
我无意识于绝望要离开这边去美国的事情。
昨天夜里在宿舍里对着电脑莫名悲伤,情绪来的无声却又不能迅速离去,我也只是惘然于自己不能轻易接受他人的离开。
其实本该是非常容易的事情,因我本人也是个常常离开某地便再不回头的人。如今却奇了,竟然愈活愈回去,初时没有的那些不舍都跑回来报到,便是我真的心老了么?呵呵。
便说起来,我也确实是个没心没肺的人,我不说孩子这个词,因为我已算不上是个孩子了。
前日里A.c在组里说怕时间一过再不能回到他还被人叫“少年”的时候,有些担心和难过
。这情绪,该是必然的吧,我也曾有过,只不过,我从不在生日里为此难过,我只是个没心没肺在生日里会埋怨自己为何会出生的人。
我只是个心理年龄永远高过实际年龄20岁以上的人。
我只是个总是无端暴躁不安害怕不能保有某人安全的人。
我只是个会做些自我坚持偶尔喝酒时时抽烟的人。
我只是个找不到自己方向的无知的人。
我只是个,在万众的人群里普通到会失去自己的人。
只是个这样的人。


那么,安静一阵。之前是懒惰,之后是寂静。这之间,是一场浩大的暴有暗香盈袖动。

Posted in 未分类 | 3 Comments

青鸟

image找了青鸟回来看.
梅特林克的这个童话,成就了那个经典的比喻,也在我童年的记忆里留下了那么一小笔.
幸福近在咫尺.
其实我不怎么赞同这个论调,但却不得不承认它的真实性。因为这是一个相对的事件,若人们不觉得自己幸福,再怎样富裕安闲,还是会愁眉苦脸----好象我这样.
这让我想到以前曾经看过的央视一个节目,放记录片的节目,那一次放的记录片叫"幸福在哪里",名字有点儿我们小时候唱儿歌的感觉.主人公想看看国内这么多的人们,各行各业的人,对幸福的理解都是什么,就扛着摄象机上路,在每个城市每条街道每辆大巴上采访那些毫无准备的人,问他们:"你觉得你现在幸福吗?""你觉得幸福是什么?"
我还记得两个回答,一个是回答幸福的小伙子,西北人,在一辆破破烂烂的大巴上,他咧着一个憨厚的笑脸,拉着自己年轻也同样朴实的妻子的手,说 自己很幸福.
一个是在春熙路上,一个打扮入时的年轻姑娘,哭着对镜头说自己不快乐,希望父母能多给已经工作了几年的自己一点空间喘息.
人的际遇是不同的,但享受幸福,却是每个人都会多多少少渴望的.
一杯泡面里也可以有自己期待的幸福,一顿五星级酒店的大餐可能反而让人不知道美味为何物.
人的心可以是一个小小的葫芦,也可以是一只贪婪的饕餮,养不活,自己慢慢忍受煎熬.

基奇和米琪两个人,耗费了那么久终于明白想抓住的青鸟原来是建立在与人为善的基础之上.
其实,抓住青鸟还不如与青鸟同行,不是吗.

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这些年来

image
第一次这么认真的听张国容.
98年出的这张EP,短而清冷.却能在力不从心的喘息片刻,抓住你心里那些被刻意遗忘的片段.
一切都在慢慢地蔓延,只除了这个精致的男人再不回来

最冷一天
:陈小霞 :林夕 :周国仪、陈爱珍
如果伤感比快乐更深
但愿我一样伴你行
当抬头迎面总有密云
只要认得你再没有遗憾
如果苦笑比眼泪更真
但愿笑声像一滴滴吻
如明日好景忽远忽近
仍愿抱着言份情没疑问
任面前时代再低气温
多么的庆幸 长夜无需一个人
任未来存在哪个可能
和你亦是 最后那对变更
唯愿在剩余光线面前
留下两眼为见你一面
仍然能相拥才不怕骤变 但怕思念
唯愿会及时拥抱入眠
留在这世上最暖一面
茫茫人海取暖渡过 最冷一天

这些年来


:刘志宏 :林夕 :周国仪、陈爱珍
投入过怀念过忘掉过
这角色要几多有几多
任何样子都可 似雪片掠过星河
陪着我同样也明白我
你彷佛让我找到最初
就如重新学做人 你比那过去还要多
谈恋爱这些年 谁可叫我想念
而只有你可和我谈昨天
经得起这世界考验
还欣赏彼此那弱点
谈恋爱许多年 留低过几张脸
而只有你的情怀如昨天
恋爱叫我不安的感觉
全因躺于你面前 至幸免

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对自己无语——我想我果然是个悲观的人

我果然是个悲观的人.今天在路上的时候,这么想着.
早上本来说好和板去上自习的,结果出了宿舍楼,板说想骑车出去玩,我也没有什么想法,就决定去了.
结果我们骑车去了洛带.
正好是十一假期,又是那边的某个活动期间,完全是人挤人的状态.
很多卖小吃的,我吃了两串烤鱿鱼,板吃了两串臭豆腐,然后我吃了两个钵子糕,板吃了一个。
本来想吃那边最受欢迎的伤心凉粉,但看来果然是最受欢迎的,排队的人一直延续到店外来,乱烘烘地站了一大群人.看看实在是不很有前途,决定放弃。

一般遇到人很多的时候,我就会不自觉地往里面钻,见到空隙就往里头蹭,然后为自己能够在人流量如此巨大的时候还能保持路线不变而沾沾自喜.比如,今天就是这样.只不过,每次我内心欢喜一下的时候,我就想到,我不知道把板落在哪里了。然后停下来回头张望.

店铺很多,在店里浏览的人也很多,我突然就跟板讲:看到这些场景,就觉得生活真的很艰难。其实普通人看到这种热闹场景应该是会觉得很繁荣什么的吧.
但不知道为什么,我就会觉得,很荒凉,很沧桑,很艰难.
00123f33f74706e35a5203

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被遗忘的时光

和很久没有联络的同学聊天,才发现,原来被自己遗忘了的,有那么多那么多的事情.


原来,我还有被他们笑闹地叫着阿廖的时候  


21:14:33
“你看起来好像很好吃”
一看就是阿廖说出来的话~~~哈哈~~~
林子漠 21:14:53
哈哈 
  21:15:27
感觉你还是和高中一样啊~~
林子漠 21:16:50
哈哈。 
 林子漠 21:16:54
说的过了 
  21:17:12
至少性格上没变啊~~
林子漠 21:17:12
其实这个是一本书的名字,只是我很想看 
 林子漠 21:17:25
我都不知道我的性格是什么了  
  21:17:28
外型变没变我就不知道拉~~呵呵~~
刘博 21:17:35
性格好啊~~
林子漠 21:17:36
呵呵。
 林子漠 21:17:44
想不起来我以前是什么样子了 
  21:18:07
现在头发留起来了吗?
林子漠 21:18:49
稍微有点,冬天冷了,多蓄点毛发保暖~~` 
  21:19:52
呵呵~~~
还没见过你留长发什么样呢~~~
林子漠 21:20:05
其实没留多长 
  21:20:25
比以前要长吧~
林子漠 21:20:57
嗯。应该吧,扎起来我现在的同学都说没想到我头发长那么快。 
  21:21:09
呵呵~~~
林子漠 21:21:15
估计是成天什么都不想,血都用来长头发了 


 21:21:34
呵呵~~哪由于那么严重啊~~
林子漠 21:21:41
哈哈 
  21:21:51
下回照了正面像,发张给我看看啊~~
林子漠 21:22:13
嗯,好,嘿嘿 
  21:22:28
你们学校有我们以前的同学吗?
林子漠 21:23:09
我不知道。好像有一个,但我记不得他的名字了。
我在想,好像是高一以后的同学了 
  21:23:35
哦~~比我这强多了~~~
我这连个四中的都没有~~郁闷~~~
林子漠 21:24:06
我没想过我们学校有没有四中的,,还就这两天看了看 
  21:24:18
呵呵~~
 21:24:33
我们学校我们市的也就三四个~~
林子漠 21:27:14
我都不知道我们这有多少我们市的,我没参加过那些老乡会之类的 
  21:27:44
我也没去过~~只是在学校论坛里看到的~~呵呵~~
刘博 21:28:00
你们专业有几个同省的?
林子漠 21:28:09
话说,你这么一说我想到我快毕业了还没进过学校论坛 
 林子漠 21:28:23
不知道,我们班有四个  
  21:28:25
呵呵~~那你平时都干吗?
 21:28:31
哇~好多~~
 21:28:36
我们专业就两
林子漠 21:29:22
我啊,你这么一说我还真不知道 
 林子漠 21:29:27
就看书吧,
 

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people ?A man!

"A man is not made for defeat...a man can be destroyed but not defeated."

今天某溢突然问我,海明威那句“人不是为失败而生,一个人可以被毁灭,但不能被打败.”该怎么翻译。想了半天,我也没有看过此文的英文原版,遂帮她在网上查起来。
先查到一个我们俩都比较满意的翻译“People are not born for failure. A person can be destroyed, but can not be defeated.”某溢看了之后告诉我,她自己翻译的是People was not born for failing ,one can be destoyed but can not be defeated.(这个我们后来一致认为时态显然不对,放弃了)
过了会儿,我自己又想想,觉得这个翻译终还是缺了点什么,又重新查。
查到了满意的答案,也查到了满有意思的一篇文。贴过来。[不知道能不能贴完这么长。。。]
http://www.clas.ufl.edu/ipsa/2003/hemingway%20T.O.and%20T.S.html

Destroyed but not defeated: Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea : A psychotherapeutic story


Saeed Momtazi M.D.
smomtazi@mail.zums.ac.ir
Beheshti Medical Center
Zanjan Medical University
Zanjan-Iran


We used this exceptional story as a therapeutic aid for hopeless and depressed people who needed a powerful force for continuing struggles of life against fate. They should say as the boy Manolin, "I'll bring the luck by myself." In the story the old man tells us "It is silly not to hope...besides I believe it is a sin." Hemingway draws a distinction between two different types of success: outer-material and inner-spiritual. While the old man lacks the former, the importance of this lack is eclipsed by his possession of the later. He teaches all people the triumph of indefatigable spirit over exhaustible resources. Hemingway's hero as a perfectionist man tells us: To be a man is to behave with honor and dignity, not to succumb to suffering, to accept one's duties without complaint, and most importantly to have maximum self-control. At the end of the story he mentions, "A man is not made for defeat...a man can be destroyed but not defeated." The book finishes with this symbolic sentence: "The old man was dreaming about lions."

It is a psychological analysis of Hemingway famous story that we have used it as a psychotherapeutic aid for hopeless and depressed people and also psychological victims of war in a more comprehensive therapeutic plan.


The first sentence of the book announces itself as Hemingway's: "He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish" . The words are plain, and the structure, two tightly-worded independent clauses conjoined by a simple conjunction, is ordinary, traits which characterize Hemingway's literary style.


Santiago is the protagonist of the novella. He is an old fisherman in Cuba who, when we meet him at the beginning of the book, has not caught anything for eighty-four days. The novella follows Santiago's quest for the great catch that will save his career. Santiago endures a great struggle with a uncommonly large and noble marlin only to lose the fish to rapacious sharks on his way back to land. Despite this loss, Santiago ends the novel with his spirit undefeated. Some have said that Santiago represents Hemingway himself, searching for his next great book, an Everyman, heroic in the face of human tragedy, or the Oedipal male unconscious trying to slay his father, the marlin, in order to sexually possess his mother, the sea.


We are told that after forty days Manolin's parents decided that "the old man was now and definitely salao, which is the worst form of unlucky". This sentence proclaims one of the novel's themes, the heroic struggle against unchangeable fate. Indeed, the entire first paragraph emphasizes Santiago's apparent lack of success. For example, "It made the boy sad to see the old man come in each day with his skiff empty." And most powerfully, "The sail was patched with flour sacks and, furled, it looked like the flag of permanent defeat".


This type of descriptive degradation of Santiago continues with details of his old, worn body. Even his scars, legacies of past successes, are "old as erosions in a fishless desert" . All this changes suddenly, though, when Hemingway says masterfully, "Everything about him was old except his eyes and they were the same color as the sea and were cheerful and undefeated". This draws attention to a dichotomy between two different types of success: outer, material success and inner, spiritual success.. Also, Santiago's eye color foreshadows Hemingway's increasingly explicit likening of Santiago to the sea, suggesting an analogy between Santiago's indomitable spirit and the sea's boundless strength.


"The old man had taught the boy to fish and the boy loved him". Manolin is Santiago's apprentice, but their relationship is not restricted to business alone. Manolin idolizes Santiago‹as we are meant to‹but the object of this idolization is not only the once great though presently failed fisherman; it is an idolization of ideals. This helps explain Manolin's unique, almost religious, devotion to the old man, underscored when Manolin begs Santiago's pardon for his not fishing with the old man anymore. Manolin says, "It was Papa made me leave. I am a boy and I must obey him," to which Santiago replies, "I know....It is quite normal. He hasn't much faith" .


Despite the clear hierarchy of this teacher/student relationship, Santiago does stress his equality with the boy. When Manolin asks to buy the old man a beer, Santiago replies, "Why not?...Between fisherman". And when Manolin asks to help Santiago with his fishing, Santiago replies, "You are already a man" . By demonstrating that Santiago has little more to teach the boy, this equality foreshadows the impending separation of the two friends, and also indicates that this will not be a story about a young boy learning from an old man, but a story of an old man learning the unique lessons of the autumn of life.


In fact unity us one of main themes of the story.Hemingway spends a good deal of time drawing connections between Santiago and his natural environment: the fish, birds, and stars are all his brothers or friends, he has the heart of a turtle, eats turtle eggs for strength, drinks shark liver oil for health, etc. Also, apparently contradictory elements are repeatedly shown as aspects of one unified whole: the sea is both kind and cruel, feminine and masculine, the Portuguese man of war is beautiful but deadly, the mako shark is noble but a cruel, etc. The novella's premise of unity helps succor Santiago in the midst of his great tragedy. For Santiago, success and failure are two equal facets of the same existence. They are transitory forms which capriciously arrive and depart without affecting the underlying unity between himself and nature. As long as he focuses on this unity and sees himself as part of nature rather than as an external antagonist competing with it, he cannot be defeated by whatever misfortunes befall him.


This ecstatic, almost erotic, imagery stands in stark contrast to the careful art of fishing we see later in the novel. The fact the fishing requires both calm detachment and violent engagement (a kind of masculine flourish) further illustrates the unity of a world which both oppresses man and out of which the strength to resist that oppression comes.


Hemingway also peppers the novella with numerous references to sight. We are told, for instance, that Santiago has uncannily good eyesight for a man of his age and experience. When Manolin notices this, Santiago replies simply, "I am a strange old man" . Given the previously mentioned analogy between Santiago's eyes and the sea, one suspects that his strangeness in this regard has something to do with his relationship to the sea. This connection, though, is somewhat problematic as it might suggest that Santiago would have success as a fisherman.


The simplicity of Santiago's house further develops our view of Santiago as materially unsuccessful. It is interesting, though, that Hemingway draws attention to the relics of Santiago's wife in his house, presenting an aspect of Santiago which is otherwise absent throughout the novel. This is significant because it suggests a certain completeness to Santiago's character which makes him more of an Everyman‹appropriate for an allegory‹but mentioning it simply to remove it from the stage makes its absence even more noteworthy, and one might question whether the character of Santiago is too roughly drawn to allow the reader to fully identify with his story.


There is an interesting irony in the inversion of roles between the paternal tutor Santiago and the pupil Manolin. While Santiago took care of Manolin on the water by teaching him how to fish, Manolin takes care of Santiago on land by, for example, making sure the old man eats. When Santiago wants to fish without eating, Santiago assumes a parental tone and declares, "You'll not fish without eating while I'm alive." To which Santiago replies half-jokingly, "Then live a long time and take care of yourself". This inversion sets up the ensuing narrative by making the old Santiago a youth again, ready to receive the wisdom of his quest. Santiago's almost childlike dream of playful lions‹symbols of male strength and virility‹before his voyage is also a gesture of Santiago's second youth.


There is a premium placed on masculinity and the obligations of manhood. When Santiago wakes Manolin up to help him off, the tired boy says simply, "Que va....It is what a man must do" . As for what this manhood entails, perhaps the most illustrative thing Hemingway says so far is in his characterization of Santiago's humility. Hemingway says of Santiago, "He was too simple to wonder when he had attained humility. But he knew he had attained it and he knew it was not disgraceful and it carried no loss of true pride" . Humility and the acceptance of obligation, then, appear to be marks of manhood, a concept Hemingway will flesh out through the course of the novella.


Santiago's start into the sea is an excellent demonstration of Hemingway's descriptive art in its successive engagement of various senses. First, there is smell: "The old man knew he was going far out and he left the smell of the land behind and rowed out into the clean early morning smell of the ocean". Next, there is sight: "He saw the phosphorescence of the Gulf weed in the water" . And lastly, there is hearing: "...He heard the trembling sound as the flying fish left the water" . This use of different sensory imagery helps create a powerful description of the sea. As the novella's title might indicate, the sea is to play a very important role in the narrative, and Hemingway's exquisite introduction of the sea, signals that importance. As its title suggests, the sea is central character in the novella. Most of the story takes place on the sea, and Santiago is constantly identified with it and its creatures; his sea-colored eyes reflect both the sea's tranquillity and power, and its inhabitants are his brothers. Santiago refers to the sea as a woman, and the sea seems to represent the feminine complement to Santiago's masculinity. The sea might also be seen as the unconscious from which creative ideas are drawn.


Santiago muses about the fragility of the birds he sees. He says, "Why did they make birds so delicate and fine as those sea swallows when the ocean can be so cruel? She is kind and very beautiful. But she can be so cruel..." . This dichotomy in the sea's temperament is further illustrated by Santiago's gendered explanation of the sea's many faces.


According to Santiago, people refer to the sea as a woman when they love her. When they view her as a enemy and rival, though, they refer to her as a man. Santiago "always thought of her as feminine and as something that gave or withheld great favors, and if she did wild or wicked things it was because she could not help them" . Despite the chauvinism characteristic of Hemingway, this view of the ocean is important in that it indicates that while the sea may bring fortune or ruin, the sea is unitary. It is not sometimes one thing and sometimes another. The good and the bad, or what people perceive as the good and the bad, are all equal parts of this greater unity.


The gendered view also suggests an alternative conception of unity, unity between the masculine and the feminine. As the descriptions of those who view the sea as a man are cast in a negative light, one might argue that the story is repudiation of a homosocial world of competitive masculinity. Man and man will always yield strife; man and woman, Santiago and the sea, complement each other and create a peaceable unity. The representation of the feminine, though, in so abstract a context problematizes this judgment, especially when the only flesh and blood woman we see in the story, the tourist at the very end, is supposed to upset us.


"...I keep them with precision. Only I have no more luck anymore. But who knows? Maybe today. Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when luck comes you are ready" .. . He had maintained the precision and exactitude of his previous works in the work. That this was not appreciated was a matter of luck or, one might assume, the caprice of literary tastes. In light of this interpretation, The Old Man and the Sea is frequently read as a symbolic fictionalization of Hemingway's own quest for his next great catch, his next great book.


Santiago's statement that his eyes adjust to the sun during different parts of the day furnishes another example of the importance of sight and visual imagery in the novella. Santiago says, "All my life the early sun has hurt my eyes, he thought. Yet they are still good. In the evening I can look straight into it without getting the blackness. It has more force in the evening too. But in the morning it is just painful" . Given the likening of natural time cycles to human age, e.g. September as the autumn of life, it is plausible to read this passage as a statement of the edifying power of age. While it is difficult to find one's way in the morning of youth, this task becomes easier when done by those who have lived through the day into the evening of life.


About the turtles, Santiago says "Most people are heartless about turtles because a turtle's heart will beat for hours after he has been cut up and butchered. But the old man thought, I have such a heart too and my feet and hands are like theirs" . This identification is important as it corroborates our understanding of Santiago's indomitability, the quality of undefeated-ness Hemingway noted early in the novella; with his body destroyed, his heart, his spirit, will fight on. This foreshadows the harrowing task Santiago is about to face with the marlin. Also, Hemingway tells us that Santiago eats turtle eggs for strength and drinks shark liver oil for health. In this way, he internalizes the characteristics of the sea and adopts them as his own.


The episode in which Santiago talks to himself on the ocean can be taken to corroborate the autobiographical interpretation of the novella. Santiago's speech is really Hemingway's thought; the old fisherman figuratively sails the author's unconscious, represented in Freudian symbolism by the sea, in an attempt to pull forth the great story from its inchoate depths. According to this view, everything takes place within Hemingway's mind, a self-referential allegory of the heroic artist‹"Now it is time to think of only one thing. That which I was born for" ‹searching for greatness in a world which seeks to deprive him of it.


That the fishermen call all the fish tuna and only differentiate between them when they sell them is at once a statement of the theme of unity and a repudiation of the market. It is not ignorance the underlies this practice, but rather a simplifying‹though not simplistic‹appreciation of the unity of the sea. There are fish and there are fisherman; those who are caught and those who catch. This distillation of parts heightens the allegorical quality of the novel. The market forces the fisherman to forget this symbolic binary relationship and focus on differentiation, requiring a multiplication of the terms of difference. As the novella stakes out a position of privileging unity, this market-driven divisionism come across negatively. This makes sense in light of Hemingway's previously mentioned anger at the unappreciative literary audience for his previous effort.


The next section begins Santiago's pursuit of the hooked marlin, and there is a good deal of simple description of the mechanics of catching such a fish. This helps create a sense of narrative authenticity, the clean conveyance of reality for which Hemingway assiduously strove.


For instance, Hemingway's description of the marlin's initial nibbling on the bait utilizes the same phrases again and again, e.g. "delicate pulling." While this may express the actual event perfectly, the repetition creates a distancing effect, pushing the prose more toward poetry and less towards realistic objectivity. As noted before, this heightens the allegorical quality of the narrative, which, at least explicitly, Hemingway denied.


The unanimous response with which Santiago's thoughts of loneliness are met is another expression of the theme of unity in the novella. Santiago thinks to himself, "No one should be alone in their old age....But it is unavoidable". As if in response to this, Hemingway introduces a pair of friendly dolphins in the very next paragraph. "They are good," says Santiago. "They make jokes and love on another. They are our brothers like the flying fish".


Then, as if on cue, Santiago begins to feel sorry for the marlin he has hooked. This pity for the great fish is intensified when Santiago recalls seeing the misery of a male marlin after he had caught its mate. Saddened deeply by this demonstration of devotion, Santiago and Manolin, with whom he was fishing, "begged her pardon and butchered her promptly".:


This heroic angle is played up even more when Santiago ends these reflection by thinking, "Perhaps I should not have been a fisherman....But that was the thing I was born for" Again, this emphasis on fate is typical of heroic stories, especially tragedies.


Interestingly, one might also read this statement of fate as an expression of Santiago's own place in a symbolic story about the writing process itself. Santiago, a product of Hemingway's authorial imagination, was born to play the role he has in the narrative. In this way, the character's succumbing to fate is a comment on the creative process by which the author controls the destiny of his or her characters.


Santiago's identification with and affection for the marlin increases the longer he is with the fish. In order to convince' the fish to be caught and to steel himself for his difficult task, Santiago says, "Fish,...I love you and respect you very much. But I will kill you before this day ends" . Soon after, Santiago tells the bird that has landed on his boat that he cannot help because he is "with a friend" . And later, Santiago goes as far as to wish that he could feed the marlin, calling it his brother.



The cramping of Hemingway's left hand is interesting First, it creates tension by debilitating the protagonist even more, making failure more likely and so his triumph sweeter. Second, if we accept the autobiographical reading of the novella, it can be a symbol for writers block. This is importantly different from Hemingway's previous attempts to blame the readers for his recent lack of success. Now, suddenly, the fault is his own. But not fully. The hand reacts in spite of its possessor's intention, and Santiago speaks to his hand as if it operated independently of himself. This certainly makes the question of who is responsible for Hemingway's failures more complicated. In addition, Santiago's response to the cramp also affords us an opportunity to investigate Hemingway's conception of manhood. As Hemingway writes, " It is humiliating before others to have a diarrhea from ptomaine poisoning or to vomit from it. But a cramp, he thought of it as a calambre, humiliates oneself especially when one is alone" . A man's sense of humiliation does not depend exclusively on the presence (or imagined presence) of others who would look upon him with disgust or disdain. It rests on an internal standard of dignity, one which privileges above all control over one's self. It is not only inconvenient or frustrating that Santiago's hand cramped, it is, as Santiago says, "unworthy of it to be cramped". This concern with worthiness is a important to the novel. Santiago's concerns about his own worthiness come to a head when he finally beholds the fish he is tracking. When Santiago finally catches a glimpse of the great marlin, he imagines he is in some sort of aristocratic feud, with each participant needing to demonstrate his prowess to the other before the fight. Not, though, to intimidate the opponent, but rather to demonstrate his own status, to show the other that he is a worthy antagonist. "I wonder why he jumped, the old man thought. He jumped almost as though to show me how big he was. I know now, anyway, he thought. I wish I could show him what sort of man I am. But then he would see the cramped hand" . This necessity to be seen as worthy in the eyes of a perceived equal or superior complicates the internal standard of manhood which Hemingway seems to elucidate elsewhere .From the time Santiago sees the fish to the end of the book, he seems obsessed with the idea of proving himself a worthy slayer of such a noble beast. This obsession, more often than not, is couched in self-ascriptions of inferiority. Santiago thanks God that marlins "are not as intelligent as we who kill them; although they are more noble and able" . And he thinks to himself, "I wish I was the fish....with everything he has against only my will and my intelligence" . The dissociation between intelligence on the one hand and nobility and ability on the other is very interesting, as it amounts to an exaltation of the natural and animalistic over the human, if we accept intelligence as the mark of humanity. This heightens the stakes of the struggle between the marlin and Santiago, and almost necessitates the long battle that ensues, for Santiago's eventually victory can only be seen as deserved if he has proved his worthiness and nobility through suffering. In the end, though, we might still ask, according to the novella's own terms, whether Santiago's victory over the fish amounted to a triumph for humanity or a miscarriage of justice, in which an ignoble human brute defeats the sea's paragon of nobility. Santiago continues his obsession with proving his worthiness to the hooked fish. He says, "I'll kill him....in all his greatness and glory. Although it is unjust. But I will show him what a man can do and what a man endures" . Again, the fish is construed as a noble superior, the death of which would be unjust. The last sentence foreshadows the intense struggle to ensue. Also, because of the particularities of traditional English usage, the last sentence of the quote can be read two ways. A man can refer to a human being or a male. As Hemingway is usually understood to conflate the noblest qualities of human beings with the noblest qualities of the male sex, I think it is best to read the statement both ways at once. Making Santiago a representative for all humankind serves primarily to heighten the allegorical nature of the novel.


In the next paragraph, Santiago makes some very interesting comments about the nature of worthiness, emphasizing its curiously fragile nature. Having told Manolin on several occasions that he was a strange old man‹strangeness here is synonym for nobility, something which normal people apparently lack‹he must now prove it; "the thousand times he had proved it mean nothing. Now he was proving it again. Each time was a new time and he never thought about the past when he was doing it" . This is a difficult passage to interpret as it could be read as an expression of Santiago's particular psychology, as a matter of fact, he never thought about the past and always needed to prove himself as each new situation arose, or as a broader statement about nobility, one which holds that nobility is not a really a quality of character but of actions. Given the novella's aforementioned emphasis on allegorical generality, it seems safe to accept the latter reading. As with the necessity of having one's worthiness recognized by others, this alienation of nobility from the person to his deeds complicates Hemingway's internal standard of manhood.


Worthiness and being heroic and manly are not merely qualities of character which one possesses or does not. One must constantly demonstrate one's heroism and manliness through actions conducted with dignity. Interestingly, worthiness cannot be conferred upon oneself. Santiago is obsessed with proving his worthiness to those around him. He had to prove himself to the boy: "the thousand times he had proved it mean nothing. Now he was proving it again. Each time was a new time and he never thought about the past when he was doing it" .And he had to prove himself to the marlin: "I'll kill him....in all his greatness and glory. Although it is unjust. But I will show him what a man can do and what a man endures". A heroic and manly life is not, then, one of inner peace and self-sufficiency; it requires constant demonstration of one's worthiness through noble action


He even concludes that "man is not much beside the great birds and beasts. Still I would rather be that beast down there in the darkness of the sea" . Again, Nature, and the marlin especially, is privileged above even the greatest exemplars of human greatness .In order to counteract these feelings of inferiority, Santiago recalls an almost mythic arm wrestling match he had in his youth. . Given that this match lasted a full day and night with blood flowing from beneath each participants' fingernails, it seems reasonable to read it as hyperbole, underscoring the fable-like quality of the novella.


At one point in the novel, Santiago's concern about worthiness takes on an added dimension. Instead of concerning himself solely with his own worthiness to kill the marlin, he now concerns himself with whether the people who will buy and eat the meat of the marlin will be worthy to do so. "How many people will he feed, he thought. But are they worthy to eat him? No, of course not. There is no one worthy of eating him from the manner of his behavior and his great dignity" . This extension of unworthiness from the killer to consumer underscores how truly inferior Santiago thinks people are with respect to great beasts such as the marlin. If he truly believes this, though, why would he continue. He may prove his own worth by enduring his struggle, but there is no way for the people in the fish markets to prove themselves. Indeed, the exalting the nobility of his prey too much seems to exclude commercial fishing for marlins altogether.


The theme of unity comes out in this section as well. Whereas this theme had previously taken the form of Santiago's identification with the sea and its creatures, Santiago expands the scope of his identification by including the celestial bodies as brothers. He claims fraternity with the stars on several occasions and justifies his need to sleep by considering the behavior or the moon and sun and ocean. He says, "I am as clear as the stars that are my brothers. Still I must sleep. They sleep and the moon and the sun sleep and even the ocean sleeps sometimes on certain days when there is no current and a flat calm" . This broader identification underscores the unity of human life with all of nature.


When he finally does fall asleep, Santiago has a very interesting dream. He dreamt of "a vast school of porpoises that stretched for eight or ten miles and it was in the time of their mating and they would leap high into the air and return into the same hole they had made in the water when they leaped" . The imagery here is obviously sexual, emphasizing the feminine character of the sea which Santiago spoke about in the first section. Santiago's final confrontation with the fish after he wakes further develops Santiago's equality with the fish and the operative conception of manhood which Santiago works to uphold. Pulling in the circling fish exhausts Santiago, and the exasperated old fisherman exclaims, "You are killing me, fish....But you have a right to. Never have I seen a greater, or more beautiful, or a calmer or more noble thing than you, brother. Come on and kill me. I do not care who kills who". As before, the marlin is Santiago's exemplar of nobility. It is very interesting that Santiago does not seem to care who kills whom. This, like so much of Santiago's relation to the fish, seems to recall an aristocratic code of honor in which dying by the hand of a noble opponent is as noble an end as defeating him. Indeed, it might even be a preferable end because one does not know under what conditions one will die. Santiago's obsession with valorizing his opponent seems to a far cry from our common idea that one must devalue or dehumanize that which we kill. To view a victim as an equal is supposed to render killing it a sin, and make oneself susceptible to death: the golden rule, if you don't want to die (and who does?), don't kill others. Santiago defies this reasoning, thought he accepts the consequences of its logic of equality. Instead of trying to degrade his object, he elevates it, accepting with it the equalizing proposition that his death is as worthy an outcome of the struggle as the his opponent's death. He is only worthy to kill the opponent if he is worthy to he killed by him: two sides of the same coin.


That this relates to Santiago's (and we might suppose Hemingway's) conception of manhood is likely obvious. The connection between the fish's behavior and masculine behavior is brought out most powerfully when Santiago tells himself, "Keep your head clear and know how to suffer like a man. Or a fish....". Comporting oneself with grace (or calmness as Santiago's quote in the previous paragraph indicates) in the face of pain is central to the novella's idea of manhood. Santiago himself says "pain does not matter to a man," and it is only by ignoring his pain that he can sustain the effort to capture the fish. Withstanding pain, then, handling it as a man, is the essence of proving himself worthy to catch the marlin.


This last section of the novella constitutes the tortuous denouement of the plot. Caught out far at sea with a dead, bleeding marlin lashed to the side of his boat, Santiago is asking for trouble and trouble he receives. Everything he has worked so hard for slowly but surely disintegrates, until he arrives back on land in worse condition than he left. Triumph over crushing adversity is the heart of heroism, and in order for Santiago the fisherman to be a heroic emblem for humankind, his tribulations must be monumental.


Hemingway vision of heroism is Sisyphean, requiring continuous labor for quintessentially ephemeral ends. What the hero does is to face adversity with dignity and grace, hence Hemingway's Neo-Stoic emphasis on self-control and the other facets of his idea of manhood. What we achieve or fail at externally is not as significant to heroism as the comporting ourselves with inner nobility. As Santiago says, "Man is not made for defeat....A man can be destroyed but not defeated".


Hemingway accentuates Santiago's personal destruction by reiterating his connection with the marlin he has caught. Soon after he has secured the marlin to the boat and hoisted his sail, he becomes somewhat delirious, questioning if it is he who is bringing in the marlin or vice versa. His language is very telling. "...If the fish were in the skiff, with all dignity gone, there would be no question....But they were sailing together lashed side by side" . The more the marlin is devoured, the less strength Santiago has until, when the marlin is simply a bare skeleton, Santiago "had no thoughts or feelings of any kind".


The sharks are interesting creatures. While this may have some credence, I think the sharks are better read as representations of the negative, destructive aspect of the sea and, more generally, human existence. As we have seen, the theme of unity is very important in the novel, but this unity does not only encompass friendly or innocuous aspects of the whole. While he battles against them, the sharks are no less creatures of the sea, brothers if you will, than the friendly porpoises Santiago encounters earlier in his expedition.


Reflecting on his victory over the mako, Santiago says the shark is "cruel and able and strong and intelligent. But I was more intelligent than he was. Perhaps not....Perhaps I was only better armed" . The other shovel-nosed sharks are not positively described‹"they were hateful sharks, bad smelling, scavengers as well as killers‹but they are certainly part of the ocean environment.


On a psychoanalytic reading of the novella, the sharks might be seen as representations of a guilty conscience. The son has killed the father, the marlin, to possess the mother, the ocean, and now suffers for his transgression, an inversion of Orestes whom the Furies pursued for killing his mother.


Santiago's discussion of sin is very significant in a novella about man's resistance against fate. He wonders if it was a sin for him to kill the marlin. "I suppose it was even though I did it to keep alive and feed many people. But then everything is a sin". Santiago attempts to assuage this doubt by recalling that he was "born to be a fisherman as the fish was born to be a fish" . Ignoring the invalid inference made in the first quote‹if killing X for reason Y is a sin, it does not hold that all actions performed for reason Y are sins‹this is an important point. According to this reasoning, Santiago is fated to sin and, presumably, to suffer for it. This seems to express Hemingway's belief that human existence is characterized by constant suffering, not because of some avoidable transgression, but because that's just the way it is.


Thinking more, Santiago reasons that he did not only kill the marlin for food. Speaking to himself, he says, "You killed him for pride and because you are a fisherman. You loved him when he was alive and you loved him after. If you love him, it is not a sin to kill him. Or is it more?".


Hemingway's treatment of pride in the novella is ambivalent. A heroic man like Santiago should have pride in his actions, and as Santiago shows us, "humility was not disgraceful and it carried no loss of true pride" . At the same, though, it is apparently Santiago's pride which presses him to travel dangerously far out into the sea, "beyond all people in the world," to catch the marlin . While he loved the marlin and called him brother, Santiago admits to killing it for pride, his blood stirred by battle with such a noble and worthy antagonist. Some have interpreted the loss of the marlin as the price Santiago had to pay for his pride in traveling out so far in search of such a catch. Contrarily, one could argue that this pride was beneficial as it allowed Santiago an edifying challenge worthy of his heroism. In the end, Hemingway suggests that pride in a job well done, even if pride drew one unnecessarily into the situation, is a positive trait.


Adding to his guilt about killing the marlin, Santiago then recalls his enjoyment of killing the mako. As noted earlier, the mako is not a unconditionally wicked creature. As Santiago says to himself, "He lives on the live fish as you do. He is not a scavenger nor just a moving appetite as some sharks are. He is beautiful and noble and knows no fear of anything." Why then could he enjoy this killing and not the marlin's? Santiago offers two short responses, though neither one really answers the question: "I killed him in self-defense....And I killed him well". The second response seems to more significant, but this would mean that killing the marlin was not a sin since he killed it well too. This suggests Santiago's sin, if it exists, must be interpreted differently.


Throughout this final section, Santiago repeatedly apologizes to the marlin in a way that provides another way to read Santiago's sin. He says, "Half fish....Fish that you were. I am sorry that I went out so far. I ruined us both" . According to this and similar passages ("And what beat you, he thought. Nothing, I went out too far ), Santiago's transgression is no longer his killing the fish, but going out too far in the ocean, "beyond all people in the world" . While the former sin helped account for the inescapable misery of the human condition, the latter focuses instead on escapable misery brought about by intentional action. Santiago chose to go out so far; he did not need to do so, but in doing so he must surrender his prize, the marlin, to the jealous sea.


This understanding of Santiago's sin is strange because it seems to separate man from nature in a way which contradicts the rest of the novella. Going out too far is an affront against nature similar to the hubristic folly of Greek tragedy; he has courted disaster through his own pride. Nowhere previously in the novel was this apparent, though. The sea seemed to welcome him, providing him company and food for his expedition. There was no resistance from nature to his activities, except perhaps the sharks, but these were never made to be nature's avengers. This reading of Santiago's sin thus seems very problematic.


Santiago's discussion of luck after the second shovel-nosed shark attack is interesting dramatically, as it once foreshadows Santiago's misfortune and offers the slightest illusion of hope for the reader as the novella approaches its end. He wonders to himself, "Maybe I'll have the luck to bring the forward half in. I should have some luck. No....You violated your luck when you went too far outside" . This clearly foreshadows the loss of the entire marlin. Later, though, Santiago remarks that "Luck is a thing that comes in many forms and who can recognize her?" . This statement certainly suggests that luck may be with Santiago even if it is not apparent to him or to the reader. Of course, there is no luck for Santiago, but suggesting there might be makes Santiago's eventual misfortune more powerful.


That Santiago completes the novel undefeated and still in possession of his dignity, is demonstrated by his conversation with Manolin. His first words to the boy are "They beat me. They truly beat me," referring to the sharks . Immediately, though, he moves to mundane matters such as what to do with the head of the marlin and what Manolin has caught in his absence. When Santiago refuses to fish with Manolin because of his own lack of luck, the boy says he will bring the luck. Soon, Santiago is talking about how to make a new killing lance in preparation of their next voyage. Finally, in the last sentence of the novel, we are told that "the old man was dreaming of lions," the same symbols of strength and youth which he enjoyed before his voyage . True to Hemingway's formula for heroism, Santiago, for all this trials and tribulations, remains the same unsuccessful but undefeated soul as before.


Hemingway draws a distinction between two different types of success: outer, material success and inner, spiritual success. While Santiago clearly lacks the former, the import of this lack is eclipsed by his possession of the later. One way to describe Santiago's story is as a triumph of indefatigable spirit over exhaustible material resources. As noted above, the characteristics of such a spirit are those of heroism and manhood. That Santiago can end the novella undefeated after steadily losing his hard-earned, most valuable possession is a testament to the privileging of inner success over outer success.


Triumph over crushing adversity is the heart of heroism, and in order for Santiago the fisherman to be a heroic emblem for humankind, his tribulations must be monumental. Triumph, though, is never final. Hemingway vision of heroism is Sisyphean, requiring continuous labor for quintessentially ephemeral ends. What the hero does is to face adversity with dignity and grace, hence Hemingway's Neo-Stoic emphasis on self-control and the other facets of his idea of manhood. What we achieve or fail at externally is not as significant to heroism as the comporting ourselves with inner nobility. As Santiago says, "Man is not made for defeat....A man can be destroyed but not defeated" .

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私语症

自言自语成了习惯,不知道是什么时候起的习惯.
今天她们和我说,让我改了这习惯.想起之前也有人跟我说过,让我改了这习惯.
都说,是很不好的习惯,让人误解.更有甚者,说我那样是"有病"的表现.
"有病"这两个字,很让我难过。
我承认,不自觉地在人前自言自语是我不对,引起他人误解也是我不对,私语和与他人交谈时话音区别不大也是我不对.但那样说我,我很难过.
你没有权力这么说我.
我只是小时候没有人说话,才养成了这样的习惯.那个时候,你在哪呢?在我和自己对话,给自己唱歌的时候,你在哪里,你凭什么就这么说,说我有病?
我就是有病吧,怎样?
造成他人的不便,是我不对,我知道要慢慢纠正自己,你何苦开口伤人呢?

我不知道该说什么.

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